Sunday, September 17, 2006

The Most Important Bubba in the World

Bubba is suddenly everywhere – On Fortune magazine’s cover, a 25 page profile in the latest New Yorker and in Hilary’s bedroom too (I kid on the last part - no man would ever dare go there). Bubba, it seems, in his retirement is doing more than Dubya could ever do in his, currently ongoing, 2 terms. Bubba’s out to tame the AIDS epidemic (“Forget the morals and go oral”), cure Africa (it’s just a continent in deep trouble, Bubba’s been up against far worse like overweight interns and stained dresses), helping Democrats take control of the US Congress (ok, that’s really tough even with Dubya at the head of a losing war and the biggest fiscal deficit in US history) and help get Hilary elected US President in ‘08 (Old Confucian saying: “Wise Man Should Quit while Scarily Efficient and Intimidating and Equivocating Wife is US Senator”) .

Makes you want to think – what if Dubya were to do the same after his retirement in ’08? That is, become a world ambassador, adopt some pet causes, use his influence and soft power to mold world opinion and just become the Do-gooder-in-Chief (a DIC…yes, the abbreviation gods do have a sick sense of humor!)? Imagine Bush in Africa, telling the, say, Ethiopian people, “I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family!” Even if he distracts one Ethiopian at this great exposition of mystic thought (or sheer comicality) he would have succeeded far beyond anything Bono could’ve dreamed up for him. Or when he goes to Europe trying to raise the money to save the West Texas Rodeo or something like that, he might want to go to Iceland and appeal to the continent that gave us the Reformation and the Enlightenment. Because if he were to walk on any mainstream French, German or even English street there wouldn’t be enough Secret Service agents to protect Dubya from getting plastered with rotten eggs and tomatoes…which would be the least of the things thrown at him.

But obviously the biggest pet cause imaginable for Bush would be the promotion of democracy in the unfree world. Specifically, in the Middle East. I can’t imagine Bush touting this cause, in his post-Presidency years, especially in the Middle East, without drawing all kinds of emotions from incredulity to derision to intense disgust. But Bush has staked his entire legacy on this one ideal. And he can’t turn away from it because it has turned out…how should we put it? Less than stellar? The biggest disaster for the region since the Crusades?! People actually wishing Saddam was back in power?!! How can he possibly square this circle? Well, he could just let ‘er rip and say, “I know the jihadi and the Christian-fish can co-exist peacefully!!” I’m not sure how the Arab street would react to that…perhaps they’d up their intake of Maine lobster or something. At least that would get a blue state like Maine to vote more Republican, as the fillip that they would get due to increased sales of their biggest produce (besides gay marriages) would make them look more kindly, with their trimmed eyebrows and all, at the GOP. Never know…that might even make Cheney consider running for the top job in ’08?! Dick v. Rod(ham Clinton)…where’s that number of the Indian headhunter who had a nice 11:00-pm-to-7:00-am job for me?!!